Coyote Calling
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~~ Ezra ~~
If it wasn't so ridiculous a thought, I'd say that Ghost Country was conspiring to kill me or at least destroy my clothes, whichever came first. It near drowned me in the river and then when it found that I was still alive it tried to swallow me up in a mud hole instead. No, this pretty valley didn't like me one bit. I returned the sentiment.
However, all such considerations faded away when I first saw the grave. It was located in a lovely spot, just underneath a majestic tree with the surrounding wood opening up on both sides to show a beautiful view down to the grasslands that we had left early this morning. It felt like a very peaceful place. A lot of thought had gone into picking out this location. Someone had obviously cared a lot for whoever it was that had been buried here.
The grave was carefully put together too, with a covering of stones and a simple cross made out of two small branches that were tied together. A hat hung on that cross. Josiah went over to it, picked it up and looked inside.
"There's something embossed in gold on the sweatband," he said. "Name of Jeb Tyler."
I heard Nathan give a sigh of relief beside me.
"So it isn't Vin," he said and I couldn't help but comment, "Unless it's a ruse and that hat belongs to someone else." Well, it needed to be considered.
"The only way to find out for sure is to dig up the grave. Can I get you a shovel?" Josiah was looking at me when he said it but I recognized a rhetorical question when I heard it.
"No, I don't think that will be necessary," I said. I had considered the idea of it being Vin in that grave and rejected it as very unlikely.
Nathan had gone up closer to the grave and was contemplating it in silence.
"Think Vin built this grave?" he said to us.
"Could be," Josiah said and passed the hat on to me. Although it was old and worn I recognized top quality when I saw it. This hat had belonged to someone that'd had money at some point in his life. The letters in gold were faded but nicely done.
What would such a man be doing up here away from everything? What had he died of? Who had buried him? Important questions all that we would probably never find the answer to.
"This is getting us nowhere," Josiah said and I silently agreed.
Looking around for tracks we found a set leading away up into the woods. We followed that for a couple of hours in complete silence before we came to a hill with a splendid view in almost every direction. Not that there was much to see, just a plethora of trees except for one open white patch higher up near where the others had to be. I spotted a small, dark structure that must be a house among all the white and stowed that bit away for future use.
Josiah looked around where we were and said, "Isn't this a bit closer to where we split up?"
"I think so, yeah, "Nathan said. "Ain't that so, Ezra?"
"I believe that might be the case. We have in effect traveled in a circle. Should we turn back and try another route?"
"No, don't think so," Josiah disagreed. "We haven't found any other trail, we should follow it until it runs out of tracks at least."
And so we did, drawing ever closer to where we had left the others. Late that afternoon we finally heard a gunshot that sounded like rolling thunder as it echoed over the mountain. There was a short pause and then came two more.
"That was the signal," Nathan said. "I hope to God that they've found Vin already."
But that was not to be as we found out when we rejoined the rest of them further up on that mountain ridge late that night. For hours we had traveled as fast as we could without straining our horses and by some miracle we had found a number of shortcuts along the way that lead us directly to where our friends had made camp. The final miles had been quite arduous and slow as it was too dark to clearly see what was on the trail and we had only the faint light of the campfire to guide us.
We nearly got lost among the trees as the wood thickened and we could no longer see the fire but by some fortunate occurrence the moon came out and guided us up the final mile through the trees and then there was snow on the ground and it all looked quite enchanting as the moonlight made it seem like there were diamonds hidden in the snow.
"Howdy boys," Buck greeted us from near the fire, a most welcome sight. The hot coffee they supplied us with was even more welcome and made me feel almost human again. We all bundled up in our blankets on logs around the fire and exchanged information. Chris told us what they had found so far and we were all caught up in discussing what to do in the morning when we had light enough to search for more tracks. I told them that I had seen a house up here and wondered if they had come across it. They hadn't seen it but now we knew where to take Vin when we found him again. No mention was made of the grave Josiah had found, it didn't seem relevant now when we had a better idea of where Vin might have gone.
The anticipation of finally finding Vin and the bitter cold, both these circumstances worked together to deprive us of our sleep, even though we truly needed it. Instead we sat up and talked about a great many things without really saying much of value while we waited for the dawn.
JD said that he'd had a marvelous dream the night before where he had been a wolf at first and then a human being. Another wolf had been in that dream. They had been up on a mountainside that looked much like the one we were sitting on and JD described in great detail his encounter with this creature.
"I tried talking to it but it didn't want to talk to me-" he suddenly broke off and just shrugged.
"Did it say anything at all to you?" I prodded him.
"Yeah, it said, Hush, young pup. Let your elders speak. Can you believe it?" JD sounded most indignant.
I could see Josiah hide a smile behind the boy's back and the right corner of Chris Larabee's mouth twitched a bit. Buck had no such considerations of sparing young JD's feeling's, he howled with laughter and teased the youngster with crude dog remarks but JD gave back as good as he got.
I was glad that the conversation had taken this turn so I could stay out of it and think instead upon my own strange dream. JD's dream was something like my own but not quite so. The wolf spoke to me about different things. I stood before it and it said to me, "My brother likes to take your shape best of all. Why is that?"
I had no answer, what answer could I give? I didn't know why it said that to me in the first place. What brother? And what did it mean by saying that he took my shape?
"You both like to play tricks on men and you care not for what might follow. You are both dangerous."
"I don't understand," I replied, for indeed I felt confused.
"I know you don't," said the wolf. "That is why you are dangerous. Look behind you."
And I did and then I felt my heart speed up for there was a whole pack of wolves sitting there. None of them looked at me and I felt strangely bereft by that fact. To the left of them I could spot a lone trail in the snow that lead up towards the mountain range. I wondered where it ended.
"Do not take my brother's path," the wolf said to me, not unkindly. "It is a lonely one and you have other choices."
I woke at that point, amazed at how real that dream had felt. But it had so clearly been a dream, wolves don't talk in real life. So why did I now feel like I had been told something important? What did it all mean?
I must have dozed off in the middle of my reasoning for the next thing I knew someone was shaking my shoulder to wake me up. I felt terribly stiff after all the earlier exertions and sleeping upright on a log in the cold. But the sun was just about to rise and in a few minutes this whole land would be transformed as the darkness dispersed.
As soon as it was light enough Mr Larabee lead us up on foot to where the blood trail and the wolf trail had started from. Buck had been walking something like fifty feet ahead of the rest of us, but now he suddenly stopped, barely a half a mile higher up where the snow was thinning out.
"Chris, we have trouble. Both trails disappear."
"Both of them?" Chris said. "Damn. Alright, we'll have to fan out and see where the trail picks up again. Any of you find anything just holler."
We searched fruitlessly for hours without finding the slightest trace, it was as if the earth itself had opened up and swallowed Vin. Where could he have gone? Up ahead I could see a row of jagged cliffs belonging to the peak looming above. The way the shadows fell up there it almost looked like there could be an opening among the rocks but it could also be an illusion. Since I had nowhere better to search I thought I might as well check that out and I called out my intentions to JD who was searching closest to me. He nodded back and continued to look at the ground for drops of blood.
The mountain got steeper the higher up I got and I was starting to revise my earlier thought. This seemed much too arduous a climb for a wounded man. But then I was close enough to see that there really was a crack in the mountain up there so I decided to chance it anyway. Just a quick look to eliminate that possibility. What could it hurt? By the time I was level with the opening I could see that it was big enough for a man to step in through and that it was indeed the mouth of what looked to be a large cave.
I also got the first signs of human habitation, a group of torches stored near the entrance and ready to use. I took out my matches and picked up one of the torches. It worked surprisingly well considering how long it must have been there. Several years at least, I should think.
I raised the torch so the light fell on the walls of the cave and got such a surprise that I could feel my jaw fall open until I stood there gaping. Carvings covered the wall from top to bottom, they were even in the ceiling, thousands of them. There were what looked to be at least a dozen or so birds, all of them different. There were even more different sorts of fish. I could see a bear that was so lifelike that you could see the hairs covering its skin. There were all manners of beasts here, most of whom I didn't even dare to guess what they might be. One picture looked like it might be of a mountain lion but it had what appeared to be two giant tusks growing out of its mouth instead of ordinary teeth. It looked quite formidable.
The further I walked into the cave the stranger the animals looked. It was truly amazing and I completely forgot for a moment why I was there in the first place.
But then I came to my senses again and looked down on the cave floor and lo and behold - there it was. A faint pattern of dark blood could be seen and it lead on into what appeared to be a second, smaller cave.
I walked into that and was discouraged by the sight of a myriad of tunnels leading off in different directions. I looked on the floor but this was much more rugged than in the outer cave and the faint trail was lost. This would most certainly take time if I'd have to search through each of these tunnels. However, I could see no other way to better accomplish my task. I decided to take a look into each tunnel, working from the left towards the right side of the cave.
Almost immediately my plans were overthrown for I could see something strange on the ground in front of the second tunnel. It was the back of a slightly dusty playing card and a few feet into the tunnel I could see another.
Playing cards. How...? There seemed to be a whole deck of them laid out in a straight line all through the tunnel, one card every few feet or so. It started with the Two of Spades and I followed it further into the dark, turning over each card as I encountered it. Finally there was but one left and I turned it over to find that it was the Ace of Diamonds. One card was missing, the Ace of Spades. A shiver ran down my spine. That card was my calling-card. This couldn't be a coincidence. This was a sign.
The tunnel went on ahead of me and I had to go into that dark place to find out what was waiting for me. I didn't much like it and I remembered my little adventure out into the swamp and walked very carefully indeed, searching every inch of the ground before treading on it. Soon I came upon a steep sloping patch. It looked dangerous and I decided to stop and turn back but then I saw it. Balanced precariously against a small stone that must have halted its downward progress, lay Vin's Winchester, his Mare's Leg, as he sometimes liked to call it.
That meant he must have come this way. And that in turn meant that he probably must have fallen over the edge of that slope. There was simply no way he would otherwise have parted with it. Was he dead then? Had it all been for nothing?
"Vin!" I called. "Vin Tanner?"
I waited, but for the longest time all I could hear was the echo of my own voice reflected back from the labyrinth of tunnels. Then, just as I was about to turn back, I heard something. It was the faintest of sounds. But a soft whisper of a voice rising out of the dark depths, saying warily,
"Yeah ... who's there?"
~~ Vin ~~
Someone was calling out something. Vin. Vin Tanner, they said. My name. At first I thought it was a call from the other side but then I realized that there really was someone up above and he was saying my name. It was someone who knew who I was.
"Yeah, who's there?" I called back. Right then I didn't really care who it was, it could have been a posse out to hang me and I'd have fashioned a noose for them my ownself, just as long as they threw down a rope and pulled me out of there.
"It's Ezra Standish. Are you hurt, Mr Tanner?"
Ezra? Out here? On his own? Seemed I had been down that road once before and not so long ago. But then I thought about what Wolf had said, "I've brought the others", and new hope started to burn in my heart.
"Hurt my leg," I called up.
"Hold on, I'm going for help."
Everything got quiet again and stayed that way for so long that I was starting to wonder if it had all been a dream. I could see a patch of blue up there again. It was the morning light. My own little piece of heaven.
Then I heard what sounded almost like a commotion up there. The tunnels twisted every sound until it was hard to recognize what it had started out as but I had no trouble recognizing the voices of my friends as they called out their greetings to me from above. Soon afterwards I could see a light slowly moving towards me. I had been so long in the dark down here that the light hurt my eyes and I had to squint like when you're looking at the sun. When it got closer I could see that it was just Ezra with a torch in his hand.
He looked like he was floating in the air. Hadn't known Ezra could soar through the air like that. Birds had wings and so did angels but if Ezra was an angel he was the ugliest one I had seen. Still, he looked real good to my eyes right then, I can tell you. When he came closer I could see that he had a rope tied around him and then he was close enough that he could scramble for foothold on my ledge.
"Ez, is that really you?" I said.
"Indeed it is. Lay back and take it easy and we'll get you out of here."
He took a look at my wound and recoiled a bit and then he laid his hand on my forehead.
"What are you doing?" I asked him.
"I'm checking for fever," he told me.
"Couldn't you just ask me?"
He withdrew his hand and looked at me. "Fine," he said. "Do you have any fever, Vin?"
"Yeah," I said.
"I already noticed that," he said. "Let me get you something to drink. You look parched." I could see his eyes go to the thin trickle of water running down the rock that had saved my life before. "We can either wait a hundred years while I gather a cup of that or you can risk a drink out of my canteen. Which do you prefer?"
"Canteen," I told him. Water wouldn't taste as good but there would probably be a whole lot more of it.
He placed the torch as far away from us as it could get on the ledge and still give us proper light to see by without falling down into the darkness below us.
Ezra had the canteen slung over his shoulder but it seemed to be all tangled up in the rope and he had to struggle to untangle it without untying the rope around his midriff.
I gave him a close look. Was it really him? It sounded like the real Ezra but I had been fooled for a while before and I was sick of games.
"Your eyes ain't yellow anymore, are they?"
Ezra stopped what he was doing and when he spoke up he sounded almost worried.
"Did you hit your head, Mr Tanner? Maybe the fever is making you delirious...."Good ol' Ez. Sometimes you could see right through him. Coyote might have looked just like Ezra but on the inside he was different. Ezra had a good heart, even when he pretended he didn't have one at all.
He finally got the canteen free from the rope and passed it on to me. I took a long and careful swallow before I said, "Ezra ... I think I've misjudged you."
"Think nothing of it," Ezra said and he even sounded a mite touched. He blinked suddenly and I felt my own eyes burning. Damn, it was dusty down here.
Seemed there was a lot of talking going on up above but Ezra and me couldn't quite hear all that was said and so most of it made no sense. We waited in silence for a long while, at least it felt like a long while to me. Then Ezra suddenly asked, "Do you need anything, Vin?"
Yeah, I need to get out of here , was my first thought but I didn't say it out loud for I knew that wasn't what he meant. Instead what came out of my mouth was, "Could do with a bath."
He sniffed the air, wrinkled his nose and looked at me. Then he looked down at his own coat, wrinkled his nose one more time and started to laugh. "Indeed," he said. "And so could I. Ah, here comes the rope."
He was looking up and when I looked where he was looking I could see another rope slowly snakeing its way down the rock. It hurt to move around even the slightest bit but I had to for the rope to go around me. Ezra apologized a lot as he trussed me up so I knew he saw me hurting, even though I did my best not to let it show. Maybe the fever had taken more out of me than I'd thought, but I told myself that it was just Ezra doing what he did best. He could read people as easily as he read them cards. Some times anyway. Not always.
"Count yourself lucky, Mr Tanner," Ezra softly said as he checked them knots for what seemed like the tenth time to be sure they wouldn't slip loose. "You're going home."
He shouted up to the others that they could start hauling away.
"Careful of his leg," I heard Nathan call but the second they started to shift me the world around me was gone in a flash of white-hot pain and I knew nothing more.
~~ Chris ~~
Vin was out of it the whole time it took us to drag him out of that black hole and take him over to the cabin Ezra and the boys had seen earlier. It turned out to be in better shape than I expected. Someone had obviously lived here until quite recently, there were three chairs, a small table, a stove and a bed. It was a tight fit to squeeze all of us seven in there but it felt too good to find shelter against the cold, I didn't think any one of us minded right then.
We placed Vin on the bed and let Nathan do his first real examination and he frowned a few times so I knew he'd have some bad news for us.
As soon as we got a fire going in the stove and the cabin was getting warmer Vin stirred a bit and soon thereafter he opened his eyes. He looked at us like he couldn't believe we were all really there with him and then he looked at his surroundings.
"Sorrows," Vin said. "This is where they all died."
I didn't understand what he was talking about. I didn't get a chance to ask him either for he closed his eyes right away and seemed to sink into a stupor where he almost couldn't be reached.
"Can you do anything for him, Nathan?" I asked.
"Well, he's in better shape than I would have thought given what he's been through. His leg seems to be the worst of it. Looks to me like he's got an infection in his wound. Most likely I'll have to cut it open and drain it. Wish I had some Laudanum with me but I used it all in town. Was expecting a shipment earlier but it hadn't come by the time we left. But I've got a bottle of whiskey, it'll have to do."
Nathan was quiet while I took it all in. The he slowly said, "I may have to take off his leg later."
"Later?" I repeated, not quite grasping what it was he was saying.
"Vin's strong but he's had a rough time. You never can tell. Should probably do it right now but I don't have the right instruments, need a proper saw...." his voice trailed off. An ugly feeling took hold of me.
"He's gonna lose his leg?" My mouth went dry.
"He'll be lucky if that is all he loses, Chris."
"You mean he could still die?" Up until that moment I had thought that we'd been in time and that things could only get better from here on but now I suddenly knew the truth. The bleak look in Nathan's eyes told me what he wouldn't say out loud. It could easily go either way. The fight for Vin's life was just beginning.
"It won't come to that," Nathan said. "I'm sure it won't."
I could hear the determination in his voice but also the doubt. There was no one I trusted more to fix this than Nathan. If trust alone would carry us through this ordeal then I could give him some of mine, I had more than enough.
We started to prepare for the operation as the night drew near. Nathan had most of us busy scrubbing and boiling things. At one point he drew me aside and said that I should find something for JD and Buck to do. JD because he was so young and didn't need to see what was about to happen and Buck because he kept bumping into everyone else. I sent them out of the cabin with rifles to guard against any one of Vin's enemies who might still be out there. I didn't truly think that there was anyone but better be safe than sorry. Couldn't keep them out there all night though, it was too cold outside.
Josiah held the legs, I held Vin's shoulders and Ezra held the lamp so Nathan would have some light to see by. When Nathan had uncovered Vin's leg I could see that it was an ugly wound. If Vin came out of this with only a limp he would be lucky, it would surely leave a bad scar. Vin struggled against us for a little while when Nathan put the knife to the wound but then I could see his eyes roll up in his head and he was out of it. I think that made it easier on all of us, knowing that he wasn't suffering as much. Had to look away at one point. Seeing all that blood and pus and smelling it too... well, it turned my stomach. But before long Nathan said he was finished. He'd done a fine job, just as I knew he would. I told him so but Nathan was still in a somber mood and just said that he hadn't done much and that it was up to Vin now.
We did our best to bring the fever down but instead it continued to rise. Nathan didn't have to tell me that it was a bad sign. I had expected Vin to be out for most of the night but it was only some hours or so afterwards when I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye and turned towards the bed. Vin was awake but quiet, his eyes bright with fever as he watched me.
"How are you feeling, Vin?" I asked him when he just kept looking at me without saying anything.
"Make'em stop," he said instead of answering my question.
"Who?" Everything was quiet inside and outside.
"The women - they're crying for the dead. Cain't you hear them?"
He looked at me pleadingly. I shook my head.
"Can't hear a thing, Vin."
There was nothing to be heard but something was still bothering him.
"They want me to go," he told me.
"Don't talk like that," I said to him as my heart filled with dread. "You gotta stay here. Damn, Vin. We came all this way. You owe us to stay, cowboy."
Vin looked right through me and didn't answer. He was lost to me after that, his mind wandering away from me as the fever took hold of it.
In the middle of the night I went over to the window and looked out. It was pitch black outside, no stars, no moon, just darkness. Almost like we here inside this house were the only ones left in the whole wide world.
Vin didn't look so good. I almost winced as I touched his shoulder, it felt like he was burning up. And there was nothing we could do now but wait. He'd have to fight this one for himself, like he had all along anyway. Laying my hand on his arm I gave it a gentle squeeze to show him I was still there. I hoped he could draw some strength from knowing that he wasn't alone.
All through that long night I sat by his side and thought about things. I thought about my life up until that point. I thought about friendship. I thought about death. By the early hours of the morning I had pondered so many things that there was barely a thought left in my head, it felt quite empty. There were only a few words there, running constantly through my mind like a prayer.
Don't you die on me, Vin. Don't you die. Don't.
~~ JD ~~
Chris had sent me and Buck out with rifles to guard against anyone who might be after Vin even though we all doubted that anyone was still out there. I think Nathan made him shoo us out because he didn't want a crowd in there when he had to cut Vin's leg open. So I stood guard just outside the cabin and shivered a bit. It was real cold but I was glad not to have to see what was going on inside.
Never heard so much as a whimper from in there. I didn't think I could have kept quiet if they were carving up my leg. What if the wound was so bad that they had to cut off his leg? What would Vin do if he lost a leg? What did one do? What would I do if it happened to me? The more I though about it the happier I was about not having to be in there.
Time moved so slowly that I wasn't sure that it had moved at all. It was too dark and cold to think about much except how dark and cold it was. I was tired. Could eat something too. And drink. My toes were getting cold, they could use some hot coffee right about now. Or maybe something stronger. I walked a stretch along the side of the house while Buck did the same thing on the other side of the house. It was dark. I was cold, I was tired, I was hungry. I sighed and then I turned and walked back.
"Hallo there," came a voice out of the dark and the next thing I knew a man was stepping up real close to me. I took a step back and kept the rifle ready. I didn't think he meant us any harm, if he'd wanted to he could have killed me already. I wouldn't have seen anything before it was too late. Still, I wasn't quite as stupid as Buck sometimes treated me.
Looked like a trapper of some kind. With just the light from the windows it was hard to see how old he was but he looked to be about Buck's age or somewhat older.
"Hello," I said cautiously. He looked harmless but what did I know?
"You wouldn't be a friend of Vin Tanner by any chance?" he asked.
"You know Vin?" Buck asked from right behind my back and I nearly jumped a foot.
Jeez! I hadn't even heard him come up. Some guard I was.
"Ever since he was a youngster," the trapper said. "He's a good lad. He with you?"
"He's in there," Buck said and I jumped in and told Vin's friend, "He was hurt."
Buck gave me a look like he thought I had said too much but I had a feeling about that man and I could see that the trapper really was a friend of Vin's for he looked almost worried for a moment.
"Now that's a shame," he said. "Is it bad?"
I thought about what was happening inside and shivered and not from the cold this time.
"Pretty bad," I said and expected that Buck would jump in and shove an elbow in my side to shut me up but he seemed to have changed his mind about the stranger too and decided to trust him for he did nothing.
"Don't worry, boy," The trapper tried to reassure me. "Vin is strong."
"He's got a lot more in here," and he pointed to his chest, "-than people give him credit for. Look, I think I know someone that might be able to help him, I'll go right away."
"Right now?" I blurted out. "Isn't it too dark?"
Man could get killed walking around a snowy mountainside in the night. I would have waited for daylight but he just laughed like it was nothing.
"Don't you worry about me, boy. I lived here for a long time. I know this valley like my own pocket. I won't get lost."
"This your cabin?" Buck asked.
"Used to be but it's not of much use to me now. I much prefer the outdoors, always have, even at this time of year. You're welcome to the use of it for as long as you need."
"Much obliged," Buck said and nodded.
"If I were you I'd be out of here within the week, though." The trapper sounded very serious. "Tell Vin that when he's better. He knows how fickle the weather is in here. More snow is coming. Seven days. No more. Don't forget."
I wondered why we should be the ones to tell Vin that. Hadn't he just said that he was going to get help? Wasn't he coming back then? Didn't he want to see Vin? Besides, who could there be that would help us way out here?
"Thank you," Buck said before I got a chance to ask. "We'll remember that. I'm sorry but I didn't quite catch your name there."
The trapper had already turned and was about to walk away but he stopped just before he was about to be swallowed up by the dark and turned to smile at us.
"My apologies," he said. "It's been so long since I've been around people that I forgot my manners. My name is Jeb Tyler."
And he was gone in the dark before we could offer our names in return. Just then the door to the cabin opened and Nathan came out with a basin full of dark colored water.
"All done?" Buck asked and Nathan nodded.
"All done," he repeated. "Give me a minute to clean things up and you boys can come back in."
"Nathan, is he-" I hardly dared to say anything.
"His leg is still there if that's what you mean. Other than that we'll have to wait. He's still pretty sick."
"You did good, Nathan," Buck said and clapped him on the shoulder, making some of the blood and water slosh out on the ground at our feet.
"Thanks, now I have to get rid of this." Nathan disappeared with the basin somewhere behind the cabin. Pretty soon he came back and went inside and Buck and I waited out in the cold for a while longer. Just as we were about to go in I heard a sound. It was so faint that I couldn't quite hear what it was at first but it was something all right.
"What was that?" I stopped for a moment and listened to the night.
"What was what?" Buck said with his hand on the door handle.
"Could have sworn I heard something," I told Buck. "Sounded almost like ... like a woman crying out there."
We both stared into the night and listened but no sound like it was heard again. Maybe it had been a bird. Maybe I had just imagined it. This dark played tricks on a man's mind.
"Well, there's no one there now," Buck said and opened the door.
He gave me a gentle shove in the back that made me take the step over the threshold into the warm cabin and then he closed the door behind us and closed out the night at the same time.
~~ Vin ~~
I don't remember much about making it back to Sorrows, just bits and pieces. Didn't even know I was in Sorrows until I opened my eyes and recognized Jeb's cabin. I knew I had to be real sick since everyone was talking so quietly to me, almost like I was a spooked critter of some kind.
Nathan told me what he was about to do but I had a hard time remembering most of it. There were things going on all around me, people moving around, the fire being stoked, people talking, but it all got to be a part of the dream I was having. Everything felt jumbled up in my head and I didn't have the strength to sort it all out.
After a while I was moved to the table with a whiskey soaked rag in my mouth to bite down on when things got bad.
"Hold him steady now," I heard Nathan say as he started to cut away my clothes from the wound. Chris was standing by my head and firmly holding on to my shoulders and I could feel someone else holding on to my legs but I had no idea who that was.
I waited and steeled myself for what I knew was coming and then Nathan's knife cut into my leg. A bolt of pain shot through my whole body and made my senses swim. The pain was getting worse and worse until I could hardly breathe and I fought against the hands holding me down. "Easy, Vin. Easy," I heard Chris say but I was already falling into blackness and everything faded away for a while.
I came to some time later and cursed. Couldn't move, I was weaker than a newborn foal. Didn't feel so good. I was too hot and about to freeze to death at the same time and I shivered even as I was wet with sweat. But worse of all was the wailing that filled the air, it cut through my head like a red-hot poker.
Chris had drawn up a chair near Jeb's bed. He had a mug of steaming coffee in his hand and was looking out through the window into the darkness. Must have seen me move cause he suddenly turned his head to look at me.
"How are you feeling, Vin?" he asked.
"Make'em stop," I told him.
"Who?" he asked, frowning a bit and looking confused.
"The women - they're crying for the dead. Cain't you hear them?"
He shook his head. "Can't hear a thing, Vin."
How could he not hear them? They weren't just wailing with grief, they were saying something. I could almost make out the words. The longer I listened to them words the clearer they got.
"They want me to go," I whispered.
"Don't talk like that," he chided me. "You gotta stay here. Damn, Vin. We came all this way.... You owe us to stay, cowboy."
The wailing got louder. I could see that Chris was still talking but it got harder and harder to really pay attention to what he was saying. I couldn't move my limbs but it didn't matter much because I could hardly feel my body any longer, I was starting to float away from it all. Was this dying? Was this what Jeb had felt?
I looked around the room and it was packed with people, men and women I had never seen but it was as if they were made of air, you could see right through them. It was cold too, damn, why was it so cold? Something must be wrong with my head 'cause I swear I saw Ezra walk right through a woman without hardly noticing it.
Suddenly the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I smelled danger. I looked to where Chris was sitting by my bunk. Two boys and a small girl stood just behind his back but he didn't seem to notice. Their faces were so pale and their eyes so huge and dark. I could feel them reach out for my arms with their hands as cold as death as they tried to get a hold of me.
I knew what they wanted, they wanted me to join them here, to never leave... They were so lonely, had been for so long. I could feel that loneliness sweep over me like cold water and it was starting to drag me down. I couldn't let that happen and I fought them as best I could but I had no strength left. They were hurting me, their hands were clammy but it burned where they touched my skin.
Suddenly a bright light appeared by my side and a woman stepped out of nothing. There was someone behind her, I could see him faintly for a second and it looked like Jeb, only he was young again, but then it was like a door closing. The light was snuffed out and he was gone. The children looked at the woman and drew back a few steps before they just faded away like wisps of smoke.
She looked familiar to me somehow and she smiled at me with eyes that were full of love. There was a soft light surrounding her still but it didn't hurt my eyes as I looked at her. She reached out her hand and stroked my brow, just like she used to when I was little and I knew her then, as surely as if we had parted just yesterday.
"Ma..." I whispered and she smiled at me again. I thought she had come for me and I asked her out loud if that was so but she never spoke a word, she just kept stroking over my brow and hair and her touch brought calm and peace. My eyes fell shut but I could still feel her beside me with her love surrounding me like a warm and comfortable blanket.
Was this dying? I didn't know and I no longer cared, I was just so weary. The dark was calling me again but it was a different kind of darkness from the one the children had tried to drag me into. This one was warm and peaceful ... and ma was there.
I stopped fighting. The pain went away first and then the outside world - and then finally I was gone too.